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<i class="pstatus"> 本帖最后由 勤农 于 2012-2-24 01:38 编辑 </i><br>
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<span style="display:none">8 i0 X" L8 u9 [- r</span><font size="5">村头不见放牛郎,</font><br>
<span style="display:none">& X7 i$ B& _1 ?0 O' j* ^; ]% E</span><font size="5">少壮灰心地里忙.</font><font class="jammer">/ ~2 |: @4 T1 h2 x. O9 E: x! [</font><br>
<font size="5">首翁婆迎面笑,</font><font class="jammer">4 B- d: z& O7 b) q( o* N# O! A. }3 m</font><br>
<font size="5">瞢然稚幼后身藏.</font><br>
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{:soso_e132:}</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<font face="黑体"><font size="4">勤农兄的诗意境高远，但以七绝律之，应当细酌。</font></font><br>
<span style="display:none">, ~( I# |. ]' R. X4 j5 q+ q</span><font face="黑体"><font size="4">从诗起句看，应以以下格律正之：</font></font><font class="jammer">& L' x& ]$ J) a# Z) l! U0 N1 Q</font><br>
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<font face="黑体"><font size="4"><font color="darkred">中平中仄仄平<font color="blue">平</font>，中仄中平仄仄<font color="blue">平</font>。</font></font></font><br>
<span style="display:none">) p. }1 y5 H9 `</span><font face="黑体"><font size="4"><font color="darkred">中仄中平平仄仄，中平仄仄仄平<font color="blue">平</font>。</font></font></font><font class="jammer">! r& t' q9 `: C5 [# d</font><br>
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<font face="黑体"><font size="4"><font color="#8b0000">现将兄之诗稍作改动，为兄作参考：</font></font></font><br>
<span style="display:none">$ R2 z7 u; _+ j4 T* [7 H+ p</span><font face="黑体"><font size="4"><font color="black">村头不见放牛郎，田地难逢少壮忙。</font></font></font><br>
<span style="display:none"> ~# N. I6 g% C; { [</span><font face="黑体"><font size="4"><font color="black">皓首相迎翁媪笑，思亲稚幼泪汪汪。</font></font></font><font class="jammer">4 u& @& H& ^% R5 R) H5 R& \</font><br>
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<div class="quote"><blockquote><font size="2"><font color="#999999">潜龙 发表于 2011-11-11 14:47</font> <img id="aimg_N507z" onclick="zoom(this, this.src, 0, 0, 0)" class="zoom" file="static/image/common/back.gif" onmouseover="img_onmouseoverfunc(this)" lazyloadthumb="1" border="0" alt=""></font><font class="jammer">. g" y$ X7 x+ |6 U</font><br>
勤农兄的诗意境高远，但以七绝律之，应当细酌。<br>
<span style="display:none">" g8 Y4 q5 k+ d/ l, e5 N</span>从诗起句看，应以以下格律正之：<br>
<span style="display:none">& @7 c; M% d1 ~) |9 S( X</span> </blockquote></div><font class="jammer">) t, q) k9 }- p; @ o</font><br>
多谢,豆是韵律把握不准</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<div class="quote"><blockquote><font size="2"><font color="#999999">勤农 发表于 2011-11-11 15:57</font> <img id="aimg_xkjMO" onclick="zoom(this, this.src, 0, 0, 0)" class="zoom" file="static/image/common/back.gif" onmouseover="img_onmouseoverfunc(this)" lazyloadthumb="1" border="0" alt=""></font><br>
<span style="display:none"># ~- Y1 L8 i- j6 U {- o</span>多谢,豆是韵律把握不准</blockquote></div><br>
<span style="display:none">& _ _/ J8 p! O1 i7 m$ P) n</span>如不能一气呵成，则写出大意，然后对照格律，逐句逐字入律，<font class="jammer">5 v& M! j6 R! ~# n</font><br>
每一字都要下功夫。我也是这样做的，慢慢就好了。不见怪吧。</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<div class="quote"><blockquote><font size="2"><font color="#999999">潜龙 发表于 2011-11-11 17:26</font> <img id="aimg_GFEVe" onclick="zoom(this, this.src, 0, 0, 0)" class="zoom" file="static/image/common/back.gif" onmouseover="img_onmouseoverfunc(this)" lazyloadthumb="1" border="0" alt=""></font><br>
<span style="display:none">* _$ K4 m3 D0 k! W: o</span>如不能一气呵成，则写出大意，然后对照格律，逐句逐字入律，<br>
<span style="display:none">. y/ d* c" s* z0 X% H& p/ b! B</span>每一字都要下功夫。我也是这样做的，慢慢就 ...</blockquote></div><font class="jammer">3 z. [6 J6 }; j6 e. u. z</font><br>
可是对得韵律来,又有点词穷的感觉,有时候嘛,换用一个字词就与事实和意境相去甚远</td></tr></tbody></table>
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哎……是呀</td></tr></tbody></table>
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哎……是呀</td></tr></tbody></table>
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哎……是呀</td></tr></tbody></table>
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发表于 2019-4-7 16:07:58