七绝 念双亲

qq56608100

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<i class="pstatus"> 本帖最后由 都市外乡人 于 2012-2-24 10:17 编辑 </i><br>
<span style="display:none">+ p% S" U2 B&nbsp;&nbsp;k* d5 |! G+ V</span><font class="jammer">8 ?8 z&amp; o5 q) @&amp; ~3 M! R: `; S' L</font><br>
<font size="6">年高病弱我双亲<br>
<span style="display:none">8 \" s: N. h' @$ L0 o# X</span>一世操劳为后人<font class="jammer">7 \# W3 D) {/ Y0 g</font><br>
但愿苍天施大爱<br>
<span style="display:none">7 s1 `9 i! Y) k: @/ E- x</span>身心康健享天伦</font></td></tr></tbody></table>


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浓浓亲情，足见孝心。平水韵、新韵均好，有一点点问题，“体”字出律，<br>
<span style="display:none">2 l&nbsp;&nbsp;t1 G: p&nbsp;&nbsp;c</span>改了就好。可改为“心”。或改成“身康体健”就完美了。个见。</td></tr></tbody></table>


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浓浓亲情，足见孝心。平水韵、新韵均好，有一点点问题，“体”字出律，<font class="jammer">$ N' w1 {* |&amp; q</font><br>
改了就好。可改为“心”。或改成“身康体健”就完美了。个见。</td></tr></tbody></table>


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诗感来了散</td></tr></tbody></table>


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