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七绝。秋夜雨思<font class="jammer">$ j1 \8 o& z8 m# S0 s</font><br>
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<span style="display:none">' \( m; l: A- C, }</span>寒斋独饮影徘徊，<font class="jammer">. J, q4 e; J' F4 ~" f2 D</font><br>
一缕街霓透窗来。<br>
<span style="display:none"># W" M. `" ~% A4 a</span>寄问蟾宫折桂处，<br>
<span style="display:none">! @* d) b8 q2 G2 a+ |</span>云帘何日又重开。</td></tr></tbody></table>
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韵没有问题，格律在酌一下就好。<br>
<span style="display:none">3 I8 g& |; Y; q/ s# L, \" l) p# A</span><br>
<span style="display:none">+ ~; }' A. F5 ^ I! ^' w9 e</span>寒斋独饮影徘徊，一缕街霓透窗来。<br>
<span style="display:none">7 n! m* }; T, e5 c0 @: W</span>平平仄仄仄平平，仄仄平通仄平平。<br>
<span style="display:none">$ w& c0 ?# A3 _5 a3 f</span>寄问蟾宫折桂处，云帘何日又重开。<font class="jammer">: `3 W4 J1 m2 ]( h' }6 A</font><br>
仄仄平平仄仄仄，平平平仄仄通平。 如此不难看出，窗出律了，可改为‘一缕街霓透眼来’，折桂处（三仄尾了，诗和对联都忌三仄尾和三平脚的）可改为‘寄问蟾宫堪桂处’。个见，当然还可以改得更好，词字转换全凭感觉。</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<font size="5">七绝。秋夜雨思<br>
<span style="display:none">1 m% W6 Z$ h" l</span><font class="jammer">) W/ q6 X1 T, ~2 g6 {8 ` W1 r" z6 t</font><br>
寒斋独饮影徘徊，<font class="jammer"># Q9 |# ^, c* `3 o4 F7 ^</font><br>
一缕街霓透眼来。<br>
<span style="display:none">. K, K9 j \2 f5 n" i</span>寄问蟾宫堪桂处，<font class="jammer">! h* F8 c x$ K# @</font><br>
云帘何日又重开。</font><br>
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<span style="display:none">1 H/ |9 p8 |, N o</span> <font class="jammer">' K% `# g* U( ?- Y" M6 k</font><br>
<font size="5">谢谢！</font><br>
<span style="display:none">: R% L D- t- I</span><font size="5">刘基有千金赋，易一字以赠千金。</font><br>
<span style="display:none">+ \! Q! D/ E) k/ @ b" Q</span><font size="5">今无痕兄不以潜龙后学而弃之，每每祥加指导，</font><br>
<span style="display:none">. I" `! \ L$ n( {: y2 m% [% C7 s</span><font size="5">潜龙每前进一步，都有无痕兄之心意，诚谢了。</font><br>
<span style="display:none">0 A1 v) K1 n4 }</span><font size="5">每每思之，潜龙虽有认真学诗之态，还是推敲力</font><font class="jammer">" |0 P/ f( Z( Y! N: a% k</font><br>
<font size="5">度不够，当慎之矣。</font><font class="jammer">, r6 X) D, o; v. q+ z; }2 [</font><br>
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<div class="quote"><blockquote><font size="2"><font color="#999999">潜龙 发表于 2011-10-2 19:22</font> <img id="aimg_GzFB0" onclick="zoom(this, this.src, 0, 0, 0)" class="zoom" file="static/image/common/back.gif" onmouseover="img_onmouseoverfunc(this)" lazyloadthumb="1" border="0" alt=""></font><br>
<span style="display:none">3 ]% M8 E% A/ G' N& [& n</span>七绝。秋夜雨思<font class="jammer">1 p- l N% J4 ~- ]# z7 d5 U0 f</font><br>
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<span style="display:none">( _. n5 t d) C* \: [( z, c/ i% K6 z</span>寒斋独饮影徘徊，</blockquote></div><font class="jammer">, C$ T2 I8 h: [8 S" @, R: v5 L/ {% `</font><br>
一个真爱文学的人，其品性可敬可佩，在现实生活中我们也许还不相识，有机会大家在一起好好交流切磋，我还有不少朋友都很通晓诗歌辞赋的，届时一并认识也是人生的快事！</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<div class="quote"><blockquote><font size="2"><font color="#999999">潜龙 发表于 2011-10-2 19:22</font> <img id="aimg_k1T2O" onclick="zoom(this, this.src, 0, 0, 0)" class="zoom" file="static/image/common/back.gif" onmouseover="img_onmouseoverfunc(this)" lazyloadthumb="1" border="0" alt=""></font><br>
<span style="display:none">5 U. f1 V2 p5 [</span>七绝。秋夜雨思<font class="jammer">& K h/ T8 M: S% u</font><br>
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寒斋独饮影徘徊，</blockquote></div><font class="jammer">0 b8 e( |8 I& k8 n; z# Z0 q1 @) q</font><br>
有时我也难免有误，有错必究，这一句‘寄问蟾宫堪桂处’，虽然改得合格律了，但是文理不通，堪桂处--就让人费解，这是我一时仓促之过，当商榷，应该为‘堪折处’。</td></tr></tbody></table>
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<font size="5">以前对诗词只是读与赏，而未去写过，今学写诗，</font><br>
<span style="display:none">% {& |; N L! E& U/ }3 z</span><font size="5">才知诗才不是好有的，目前基础太差，慢慢进步吧。</font><font class="jammer">7 h2 O2 j2 n' x3 j% C b& V</font><br>
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个人感觉原创读起来感觉好一些.</td></tr></tbody></table>
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{:soso_e182:}{:soso_e179:}</td></tr></tbody></table>
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发表于 2019-4-7 16:07:58